Q Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing! Hello, Candace! My name’s Christia C., and I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today. Let’s get started! *Writing Strength: Your abstract acts as a concise and concrete summary of problems involved in pediatric cancer, which helps your readers work out the unified purpose of your argumentative research. Good job, Candace! *Candace 11437619, you requested help with Content Development: You end paragraphs with parenthetical citations. Hence, your readers might not fully understand why you have utilized a particular cited information. Your thorough explanations or interpretations (in other words, your own terms from your comprehension) should go after your cited excerpts. Here’s an excerpt: Statistics indicate that 38.4% of the adult population in America is expected to be diagnosed with cancer every year, and because of the high statistics as compared to 15270 among children, more attention in funding is given to adult cancer research (National institute of cancer 2018). That is, provide your own thorough explanations or interpretations for [1] your justifications or reasons behind employing information from the National Cancer Institute (NCI) and [2] the specific ways through which its imparted facts underpin the purposes of your argumentative research. Here’s a guiding question: What do the ideas of NCI prove or show about pediatric cancer and its impacts and implications on the primary problem in discussion and its causes and solutions? Here are the last couple of sentences from a paragraph from another paper: … According to Daniyyel Porat (2015), a well–respected psychopathologist from Eastville College Foundation, most people “hazardously assume that narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths are mostly criminals or strangers” (p. 25). This statement showcases the fact that most people can never imagine that their loved ones—family members, relatives, friends, romantic partners, etc.—can ever be capable of being cruelly manipulative, even in the presence of solid evidence. Notice that the essayist doesn’t conclude this paragraph with the parenthetical citation; she or he follows through with her or his own explanation. Now, it’s your turn to conclude your paragraphs with the insights that you have gained from your cited passages. *Candace 11437619, you requested help with Introduction/Conclusion: Your introduction can improve through additional background details. Such details can help establish adequate setting with readers when it comes to pediatric cancer and its origins, which shall help them further appreciate and comprehend your argumentative research. Here are guiding queries: First, what exactly is “pediatric cancer”? What are the connotations and denotations behind “pediatric cancer”? When and where precisely was “pediatric cancer” first conceptualized, and who did, if any? What was the earliest recorded appearance, incidence, or usage of “pediatric cancer”? You might want to describe this appearance, incidence, or usage in a clear and short sentence. Why is “pediatric cancer” such an important matter in health? Are there any current, remarkable news affairs tied with “pediatric cancer”? What are the consequences of ignoring or overlooking the impacts of “pediatric cancer”? I suggest that you use your responses as guides to make your introduction more detailed. Sentence Structure: Your essay contains extra word phrases. The abundance of filler phrases like “it has been shown to be” or “that is why it is important” is detrimental to any essay. Readers will comprehend your points better if you write them in a directer manner. Here’s an example from your draft: One of the rationales behind the phenomenon is that it is assumed that childhood cancer cases are minimal as compared to adult cases and less funding in pediatric more in adult cancers. I placed the filler phrase in boldface. Determine if this phrase enhances the sentence’s meaning or simply makes the sentence unnecessarily lengthy. If the filler phrase is unnecessary, you may want to remove it from your paper. Here’s a possible way to shorten it: The assumption that childhood cancer cases are minimal compared to adult cases is one of the rationales behind the phenomenon, leading to less funding in pediatric cancers. The sentence is clearer and shorter. Now, it’s your turn to do the same with the other filler phrases in your draft. Summary Of Next Steps: • Refrain from concluding paragraphs with parenthetical citations. • Enhance your introductory paragraph. • Eliminate extra word phrases. Thank you for submitting your essay for a review. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day, Candace! — Christia C. You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer’s Handbook. _________________________________________________________________________________ Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below. Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon. Why Is Pediatric Cancer Research So Underfunded?